The Months Ahead

I will be starting my fieldwork in October, I hope. But until then, I have plenty of time to plan and get more anxious. I’ve started a box of things to take with me, including pictures of my friends in Char Fashion, business cards, and a small, battery-powered flashlight. I’ve begun to picture in my mind what it will be like to actually live in the village for a long period of time.

When I went in January, it was a bit terrifying; I think I was feeling a lot of pressure to come back with enough ‘data’ in short period of time. I immediately got sick on the second day, after eating firni. My mobile phone didn’t work because it was from Warid, so I couldn’t even stay in touch with S’s parents in Dhaka. I felt bombarded every minute by the sort of growing anxiety of a village community already on the brink–and now pushed further into poverty by the sky-rocketing prices of food (especially rice). I suppose after that experience, I was even more scared that I wouldn’t be able to return to do long-term fieldwork; I worried that maybe I wasn’t up to it like I had thought. But with a bit more preparation and thought, I think that I can handle this experience.

As I accumulate materials for my trip, I am also divesting myself of some of the things that have been a part of my life. I’m selling my car, for example. And honestly, it feels really good.